


That For Which Stars Shine

by LadyRhi



Series: ASTOS Specials [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ASTOS Side Story, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Baby Brain Strikes Again, Baby Names, F/M, Family, Forbidden Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Lore & Mythology (Star Wars), Love, Motherhood, POV Rey (Star Wars), Pining, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pregnancy, Prophecy, Secret Relationship, Skywalker Family Feels (Star Wars), Space Mom Leia Organa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27692722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyRhi/pseuds/LadyRhi
Summary: Rey's getting ready to lose it. Between Beaumont's snark and the obscure ramblings of the so-called Jedi sages, she's about ready to throw something...probably one of the fiendishly undecipherable sacred texts...and most likely at Beaumont. It doesn't help that on top of it all, she's pregnant with a baby who flatly refuses to tell her what its gender is, no matter how many times she asks, and all she wants is to be with the one man in the entire galaxy she can't reveal she loves.It's kriffing hopeless!Having a heart-to-heart with her Force-mate's mother when she's this stressed out is probably not the best idea, right?Well, perhaps it is...~An ASTOS Special Story~
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: ASTOS Specials [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010016
Comments: 18
Kudos: 46





	That For Which Stars Shine

**Author's Note:**

> **IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE:** This story is set just before the forthcoming Chapter XII of _[As Stars Through Our Souls](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24542773/chapters/59262064)_. If you aren't caught up with the rest of the main story, this is not an ideal starting point, as it contains major spoilers and won't make much sense without the broader context.
> 
>  **Tara35** , this is the special little something I'd mentioned was coming. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> As always, thank you to **[MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife)** for doing battle with my dastardly commas!
> 
> Thank you also to **[Ferasha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferasha/pseuds/Ferasha)** & **[reyloanne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reyloanne/pseuds/reyloanne)** for helping me figure out my linguistics terminology. It may not have seemed like much, but I really was hung-up on the wording, and it meant a lot that you ladies stepped in to help.
> 
> ♥ [ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh) ♥
> 
> Much love!

_Ugh, this is hopeless!_

Rey frowned in irritation at the nonsense she’d written down in her notes and scribbled it out. She’d been banging her head against this kriffing text for hours, and she was pretty sure everything she’d thought she had managed to piece together from Beaumont’s translation was pure rubbish.

Leaning back, she pressed her hands into her lower back and called on a slight stream of Force energy to ease her stiffness. She sighed when the muscles relaxed somewhat, though she knew it would take a hot shower and some stretching to be comfortable enough to manage any sleep tonight. Rey still wasn’t used to so much inactivity—and likely never would be, frankly. It was the thought of curling up with Bump in her nest of spice-scented pillows and blankets that got her through these interminable research sessions.

_That and the possibility that I might have someone to curl up with…_

_**Maybe we'll get to see your father tonight,**_ Rey suggested to the tiny lifeforce growing within her. The baby’s sunshine glow of happiness in response warmed her through. 

She wouldn’t know until Ben reached out to her through the Bond whether it would be safe to meet, but there was always reason to hope. She rubbed the swell of her belly with a smile, then caught her research partner regarding her icily before returning to his own notes.

_Nugbrain,_ she thought to herself testily, taking a breath and reminding herself that the afternoon was almost over. She'd be able to escape soon enough.

Besides, there was an incredibly daunting mountain still to be conquered in translating the sacred texts. Looking down at her scribbled-out notes, Rey winced. While Beaumont was able to work wonders in untangling the ancient dialects the Jedi sages had used, she was the only one who had a chance of understanding the concepts they’d written about.

Not that they'd gotten very far. She'd give the scholar credit, however. He was sharp and had certainly helped her get further along than she would have on her own. So, with a sigh, she turned her mind back to what she was supposed to be working on at the moment, though it just made her feel increasingly lost. 

The _Rammaghon_ was an absolute tangle of mystifying and contradictory cosmology. She'd read through the first two creation stories the tome recounted, translated by Beaumont—well, to some degree—and was left utterly bewildered.

Rey rubbed her belly absentmindedly as she reread the final verse of the second parable before her, silently begging the long-dead author to actually make some sense this time.

_Embraced in Tainted Darkness’s hateful hold, He shall weep for that which He loves but cannot endure. Let Him suffer, let him rage, let him mourn and willingly give himself to be Tainted. All shall be Shadow. Then all shall be Nothing. But then shall rise the Asha, reborn to light the way home and reignite the stars…_

Rey sighed. More impossibilities and allegory.

It made her progress especially difficult when Beaumont missed words in his translation. She wrote down the term she didn't recognize, tracing each letter carefully. Then she found herself going over it with her stylus again thoughtfully, whispering the word and enjoying the subtle cadence.

_Asha. That's pretty._

Rey had begun paying attention to names and words she ran across in her readings, heard mentioned on the HoloNet, or which cropped up in conversations with her friends. She’d even paused a few times while going over mission reports, occasionally earning odd looks when she’d been caught quietly mouthing syllables to test how they sounded. Thus far, nothing had really stood out or stuck with her.

But this…

_**You would have to be a girl, though,**_ Rey commented to the baby’s drowsy consciousness. **_And I’d have to figure out what it means before I wind up picking something that translates as 'Destroyer of Worlds' or 'Long Live the Sith'…_**

An impatiently cleared throat jolted her from her reverie, and Rey returned to the passage she was working on a little guiltily. As much as it grated to have Beaumont catch her distracted, the work they were doing was important. Every time she found something that seemed like it could help her and Ben figure out the purpose of their shared destiny, Rey felt a flicker of eager expectation rise up inside her, even if what was revealed seemed...disturbing...like this one.

As with everything in the ancient tomes, it was frustratingly cryptic. The wisdom of the Jedi seemed to depend on imagery, poetics, arcane references, and then still often lost itself within cultural lexicons that she couldn't make sense of. Even the journal of the Jedhan monk Ben had recovered relied heavily on symbolism, though he’d at least transcribed it in standard Aurebesh. When she'd realized she'd never handed the slim book back to Ben during their last meeting, she'd taken the opportunity to read it, finding herself just as irritated with the obscure musings of Force mystics as he’d been.

Nothing was straightforward.

When Beaumont finally sighed wearily and looked up from the chapter of the _Chronicles of Brus-bu_ he’d been wrestling with, Rey was ready to hug him.

"Were there any undecipherable terms in that one?" he asked, straightening his notes without bothering to look at her.

"Yes, there was one—" Rey told him, running her finger over the word she'd jotted down, but then raised her head in confusion when he stood and began picking up his things.

"It can wait," Beaumont said pompously, already turning away from her. She let out a frustrated breath, frowning at his back as he started to walk out.

_That's it._

"Beaumont," Rey called, borrowing that tone of uncompromising command a certain Supreme Leader she knew sometimes spoke with in his more arrogant moments. It proved far more effective with the scholar than it ever had when Ben tried using it on her. Beaumont stopped in his tracks, turning around in surprise. She nailed him with her gaze.

"The word is ‘Asha.’"

He stared at her, dumbfounded by the sudden manifestation of resolve before him.

"I—…I don't know that one," Beaumont finally responded, looking at Rey like he didn't know who she was. Or perhaps he'd forgotten, but only now remembered just who and _what_ the woman he'd been treating with barely concealed disdain was. His throat bobbed as he swallowed, continuing with a new note of deference in his voice, "It isn't something I've run across in the other texts, so I'll have to look through some of my files. I'll let you know what I manage to find tomorrow."

"All right," Rey agreed with a nod of dismissal, though as he turned to leave again she called out more gently, "Thank you."

Rey watched him go and once she was certain he was out of sight, she bent over to bury her face in her hands. She let her breath out shakily, a raspy strain of laughter escaping as her heart raced with the adrenaline rush of victory.

_**Not the way I’d have preferred to do it, but at least that seems to have gotten his attention,**_ she commented to Bump.

Still smiling, Rey closed the _Rammaghon_ —gently, rather than slamming it like she really wanted to—and hefted the stack of books into the crook of her arm, balancing them against her hip. She left the small room she and Beaumont had appropriated as their study area and started down the corridor towards her quarters, looking forward to washing away her stress in the hot steam of the ‘fresher and then spending some time alone with her baby.

_And waiting, hoping…_

The lonely thought dimmed her smile, and she shifted the books so she could run her hand over Bump for comfort. As she passed the Comm Center she heard her name and looked over to see Leia watching her with concern. Rey walked into the busy room, taking a calming breath to steady her nerves while she nodded a greeting to Kaydel as she passed her at the tactical board. 

It was always a little awkward when she happened to be thinking of Ben right when she ran into his mother.

“Are you all right?” Leia asked, worry in her eyes as she looked at Rey’s hand resting on her belly. 

“Oh! No, I’m fine,” Rey said reassuringly, realizing what she must have been thinking. “It’s just been a long day.”

The flare of fear that had filled the Force settled and then flickered out as the lines of Leia’s face smoothed in relief.

“I saw Beaumont just a minute ago, looking like he had a tuk’ata snapping at his heels,” she mentioned, raising her brows questioningly.

“Oh, um...” Rey winced. “We had some words, but nothing to worry about.”

"Ah. I’d figured it was something like that." The silver in Leia’s hair caught the lamplight as she shook her head. "I know he and a few others have been giving you a hard time."

Rey angled her mentor a curious look. She'd wondered whether Leia was actually oblivious to it, since she'd not said anything. Not that Rey really needed her mentor to come to her defense, but she also couldn't deny that it stung a little that someone who'd gone through what she was going through now would stand by silently while she faced judgment and snide comments.

Leia surprised her with a smile, reaching out and taking Rey’s hand to give it a squeeze.

“You’re stronger than anything they can say about you,” Leia told her, “and you prove it every time you hold your ground. So keep standing up for yourself.”

Rey stared at her, realization dawning.

By choosing to say nothing about the situation, the general was signaling to those they fought alongside that the condition the Resistance’s Jedi had found herself in—and what had led to it—was condoned. That couldn't, and certainly hadn't, prevented some from continuing to be harsh, but Leia's reticence meant something else as well.

She'd been showing her solidarity with Rey by allowing her student to handle the situation herself, demonstrating to all who watched that she…

_...that she believes in me._

Rey's throat tightened as she understood.

"What you're doing is hard, but you’re not alone in all of this," Leia said, taking a step closer and resting her other hand over Bump. Rey typically disliked it when others tried to touch her this way, but feeling that warm palm over the little life that bound them together in a way the other woman couldn't know comforted her.

Rey dropped the stack of texts on the table beside her and leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Leia right there in full view of every member of high command. She didn't care what anyone else thought, however. Leia didn't either, it seemed, and she felt an arm slip around her waist, that warm touch still settled against her belly.

_I want to tell you. I want to tell you so badly._

But she couldn't. Not only would revealing that her baby's father was the Supreme Leader of the First Order endanger their new little family, but Ben would feel horribly betrayed that she'd told his mother, of all people.

Leia would have to know eventually. Rey knew that Ben would keep her in the dark forever if he had his way, but it just wasn't realistic. As hard as they were trying to end this war so they could find their way back to one another, with only a few short months to go, his child was almost certainly going to be born in the rather decrepit Resistance base his mother commanded.

Besides, Rey wanted her child to know its grandmother. She'd been denied the precious gift of a family all her life, and she wouldn't do that to her own child, even if Ben felt that the two of them were enough. Feeling the affectionate way Leia's thumb rubbed against Bump, though, Rey had to fight not to share her secret there and then.

"Let's talk in my quarters," Leia invited, stepping back and waving over to Commander D’Acy before making her way towards the door. "It's been a long day, and it would be nice to sit down on a seat that actually has some padding."

Rey understood that sentiment, still feeling the need to stretch the kinks out of her back after sitting hunched over on a stool for hours on end. Fortunately, the quarters Leia led her to were furnished with plenty of the comforts the rest of the base was scarce on.

As they walked in, C-3P0 let out a horrified exclamation. Both women stopped to look at him in alarm, then Leia rolled her eyes when the protocol droid turned huffily to the control unit on the wall in high dudgeon.

“I _told_ you to inform me of when Her Highness...I mean, the General was to arrive,” he complained petulantly, receiving a snarky blip of Binary in return. “How _rude!”_

“Threepio, I’ve asked you to try and get along with the central computer system,” Leia said with a sigh, though Rey spotted the way the corners of her mouth tightened to prevent her amusement from showing.

“I have tried, your Hi—General,” the droid corrected himself. It was unlikely he’d ever get used to referring to his mistress as anything but the princess she was. “Its civility protocols are disastrously scrambled, however. It reminds me of Artoo...”

“Oh, I doubt its language is _that_ bad,” Leia teased, giving in and letting her smile spread across her face as she walked past him. “I know I’m a little late this evening, but is the water still hot?”

“It is,” Threepio assured her, clearly quite proud of this accomplishment. “Shall I serve for you and Mistress Rey?”

"I think we can manage," Leia told the officious droid, nodding towards the door. "Would you wait outside, please? Rey and I have something to discuss in private."

Leia waited until the door closed behind Threepio, cutting off his affronted muttering. She shook her head with affectionate humor, then turned back to pick up the steaming pot that had been set out, holding it up before her guest.

"Gatalentan tea?" she offered.

"Please," Rey accepted, enjoying the aroma that wafted into the air around her as she sat down on the sofa. She didn’t wait to be asked, used to settling on in when their trainings were held indoors.

Leia poured two cups and handed one to Rey before settling back into the cushions propped up behind her with a weary groan of relief.

"I look forward to this every evening—the chance to just fall over and stop being _the general,"_ she confessed, closing her eyes and breathing in the fragrant steam from her delicate china cup.

“Could use a few more pillows,” Rey commented with a smile, thinking of her own nightly rituals and what made her feel better after another day of being _the Resistance’s Jedi._ Leia laughed at that, opening her eyes again to regard her student fondly.

"So, tell me. What's got Beaumont's knickers in a twist this time?" she asked wryly, making Rey choke as she tried to take a sip of her tea.

"Nothing, really," Rey finally managed, still coughing a little and trying not to laugh until she could catch her breath. "I think I've sort of gotten a handle on that."

"Good! Pregnancy does something to peoples’ way of thinking. When they see your middle begin to expand, there are some who think it automatically makes a woman useless. Keep showing them they're wrong."

"I will," Rey told her quietly. Leia was the strongest woman she’d ever met, and it still astounded her that Luke’s sister had chosen to continue her training where he’d left off.

Leia had admitted that though she’d once thought to walk the Jedi Path alongside her twin, she’d given it up long ago. She didn’t claim to know all Rey needed to learn, but her patient guidance and ability to see through to the heart of a concept had been invaluable. Her student couldn’t be more grateful, regardless of whether or not the old Jedi Masters would have approved of her methodology.

Then Rey had an idea, casting a glance down at the stack of books beside her consideringly.

“Did Luke ever manage to translate the Jedi texts?” she asked.

“I’m not sure,” Leia replied, suddenly sobering. Grief seemed to settle over her like a falling shroud at the mention of her twin.

Rey regretted asking it immediately, and opened her mouth to apologize, but an age-veined hand stayed her.

“It’s okay, Rey,” Leia said softly. Taking a breath, she straightened and focused on the question rather than the heavy weight of her loss. “The texts were a life-long project of Luke’s, and I remember seeing him working with one or another of them occasionally during his visits in the years after the war was over. Even back then, I believe he’d been making good progress.”

“Did he ever show them to you?”

“He did.” Leia regarded her with growing interest, wondering where this was leading.

“There’s a word I ran across today that we couldn’t figure out,” Rey explained. She didn’t mention why she was so keen to know what it meant, but as she picked up the tome in question she struggled to hold back her enthusiasm.

"What is it?" Leia asked.

"'Asha.’" Rey opened the _Rammaghon_ and carefully flipped through to find the page she'd been reading earlier, but looked up in concern when she heard a gasp of surprise.

“I’m sorry,” Leia apologized a little breathily, shock written across her face. She reached out with shaking hands to set her cup down so she wouldn't drop it. "It's a word from an ancient culture that once existed on Alderaan. I haven’t heard it spoken in...so long. Since I was a girl.”

“What does it mean?” Rey pressed, equally surprised, but excitement getting the better of her.

For a quiet moment, Leia seemed to lose herself in thoughts of a time long ago, of people who lived only in her memories, and a vibrant society destroyed by hatred. Her breath hitched, and it brought her back to the place and time in which the home she’d forever mourn no longer existed.

“It means 'hope,'" she whispered.

"Hope," Rey repeated softly, not wishing to intrude on such a personal moment. She ran her hand over the swell of her slumbering baby and murmured thoughtfully to herself, "I like that. It would be a nice name…"

When she felt Leia’s stare, she blushed, realizing she'd said that aloud.

"Yes, it would," the older woman said, the ghosts releasing their hold on her, though something caused a different kind of hurt to fill her eyes as she murmured, "I certainly thought so."

She frowned down at her tea, and Rey waited again, unsure what distressing thoughts occupied her now. The moment passed, however, and Leia looked up questioningly.

"Does that help make the passage clear?" she asked, pointedly moving the conversation on.

"I suppose so," Rey said slowly, trying to stifle her curiosity. Rereading the line, she thought that 'hope' would make sense, though the article preceding it threw things off somewhat. That could just be the archaic tone, however, or perhaps Beaumont had included it in error.

"Let me see?" Leia propped her elbow on the back of the sofa, leaning over to look.

"Here," Rey angled the text, pointing to the line. _"'But then shall rise the Asha…'"_

Leia peered closer and then settled back with a quiet chuckle. When Rey looked up at her in confusion, she reached out and clasped her small hand around her student's.

"Ash _la,"_ she corrected gently.

Rey’s eyes darted back down to the page and she huffed, equal parts embarrassed and annoyed.

_Oh, for kriff's sake…_

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Leia told her sympathetically. “It was only a small mistake.”

“Do you know what it means?” Rey asked with chagrin.

“I’m afraid not, but hopefully Beaumont will be able to help you make sense of it now.”

Rey nodded, not looking forward to admitting her blunder to him. Hopefully, it wouldn’t undo the progress she’d made today by standing her ground. This was by no means her most catastrophic phonetic blunder, but it made her want to scream, all the same.

"Baby brain is… _ugh!_ …it's just…" Rey vented, barely keeping herself from throwing the book across the room.

_"So_ frustrating," Leia finished for her. "Just keep telling yourself that it doesn't last," she paused, then took a fortifying breath and murmured, "...and it's all worth it in the end."

Rey’s irritation faded instantly as she held her breath. She watched Leia’s smile slip away, though there was a hesitant sense of purpose in the Force flowing between them which told her it hadn't been a slip of the tongue. 

She was surprised and a little wary, though she tried to hide it. Leia had mentioned her own experience with pregnancy a number of times since Rey had shared the news of her condition, but only ever to provide advice or commiserate about the assorted discomforts of carrying a baby. 

This was the first time she'd so much as approached the subject of the son she'd given birth to. Rey wanted Leia to continue. She wanted to hear about Ben from the woman who’d loved him first and what it had been like to share a special bond with her child, as Rey already did with hers.

Leia held her gaze consideringly for a few long moments, and Rey wished she could read her thoughts the way she could Ben’s. Then the tension was dispelled as a decision seemed to click into place behind those dark eyes. Leia reached over and wrapped an arm around Rey, drawing her close. 

"Hope,” she said confidingly, picking up the train of thought she’d nervously cut off before. Holding Rey’s gaze, she went on, “It's what I named my son for."

It took her a moment, but then Rey blinked, putting the pieces together.

"Ben?” She said his name cautiously, even though Leia was aware she knew it. “His name means ‘hope?’"

"Well, not literally," Leia admitted. "It's what the name means to me, though. In our most desperate hour during the war against the Empire, a Jedi was our only hope—a Jedi who called himself, 'Ben.' And though I never met him, he did live up to all the faith I’d placed in him. He’d watched over Luke while he grew, began his training, and then it was he who convinced my brother to leave his old life behind…and led us to find each other."

Rey listened, entranced by the softly-spoken words. This story was a legend even she’d heard told on Jakku, but the fanciful embellishments and unlikely feats it recounted had never seemed realistic. Then, she hadn't been aware of the well of power she carried within her or what a hidden strand of fate would lead her to find... _who_ it would lead her to find. Hearing how it all began from the woman who’d lived through it held her spellbound.

Leia looked at Rey’s rapt expression and smiled.

"Those were mad, incredible years. Even after Endor, we were still fighting to end the war, and Han and I were constantly separated, off on different missions.” she sighed, her arm tightening around Rey. “Then I found out I was pregnant in the middle of it all."

"How did you cope?" Rey asked. She'd known Ben must have been born sometime around the end of the Galactic Civil War, but she hadn't realized Leia had carried him through the year of upheaval that followed Emperor Palpatine’s death. She must have faced so much uncertainty and fear, even if peace seemed within their grasp.

_I know exactly how you felt,_ Rey thought, fingertips passing over the fragile life within her.

"I didn't have a clue what I was doing. Han and I were in love, but we hadn't even considered anything beyond that. Having a baby didn't seem realistic at the time…until all of a sudden, there he was."

"What about…" Rey began, but stopped, uncertain she should ask after all the pain that had already been relived this evening.

Leia seemed to know what the question was, however, and she rubbed Rey's back to let her know it was all right.

"Han?" Her shoulders dropped with a sad sigh. 

Rey could just make out flashes of images as they passed through Leia’s mind. She recognized the old smuggler immediately, but he was far from the grizzled grump she'd met. Well, _grumpy_ maybe, from the looks of it. However, the unlined face with those clear, sharp eyes full of trouble belonged to a younger, more vigorous man who'd conned and shot his way out of tight corners from one end of the galaxy to the other, winning the heart of a princess along the way.

_And Force, that smile. Did you ever realize you'd given it to your son?_

"Han didn't see himself as father material." Leia's thoughtful voice interrupted Rey’s wistful line of thought. "He was stubborn about it, but really, he was just as scared as I was. For all we were entirely unprepared, though, and for all the worry in those difficult months when we were desperately trying to figure out how we were going to pull through it…" 

Leia broke off, but then a heartbreakingly lovely smile bloomed through her tears.

"When Ben was born, all that just didn't seem to matter anymore, even for Han. Watching him holding our baby for the first time, I knew he'd given in. Rey, that unrepentant scoundrel who swore up and down that he could never change…he fell in love in an instant. I knew from the way he held Ben, the way he looked down at the little head of dark hair in his arms, that Han would give anything for his son."

She barely managed to get the words out, face falling in grief, and Rey slipped her own arm around those slight shoulders, offering all the comfort she had to give. 

Leia had given her love to a disreputable smuggler because he'd revealed that his coarse cynicism was merely armor for a heart capable of such incredible care—just like their son had hidden his extraordinary capacity for love and Light away within his Darkness.

Rey realized that she and Leia shared something truly precious in common—the devotion of men who'd fought to become their best selves for the sake of the families they’d never sought to create, but loved with a rare passion. Perhaps Han hadn't always managed it, and Ben still struggled sometimes to overcome his Darkest impulses when it came to finding balance with Rey’s Light.

But it mattered that they tried.

Han had been there for his family in the end, and shown that enduring strength of heart in giving everything to buy his son a chance at turning away from the path of self-destruction. Rey still ached at the memory of watching his body fall into the depths of the Starkiller, but she knew that his sacrifice ensured the boy he’d once let go of had a future worth living.

It had freed Ben to once more find value in the part of his soul, locked away for so long, that reached out for hers.

Rey had so many questions, but didn't dare ask any of them.

_What was Han like with him? Ben was born with hair? Did he always have those beautiful marks scattered like stars across his skin?_

_Did some part of you sense what would come to pass years later?_

One question didn't need to be asked, however. Rey saw the answer in the wounded depths of this mother's eyes—Leia still loved her son despite all that had happened, and all that he'd done.

Even killing his father. 

This was a love that was stronger than durasteel and more precious than kyber—an unconquerable inspiration for the hope that Light could abide even within a heart claimed by Darkness. Rey instantly recognized it because it was the self-same love she felt for both Ben and the child they'd created together.

It could be painful at times. However powerful her feelings for Ben, the terrible things he'd done twisted like a blade deep inside. She could still recall the grief she’d felt finding Finn's seemingly lifeless body in the snow, and the way Ben had threatened and kidnapped her, then broken into her own mind. It still hurt, all of it. Rey knew that though she calmed the chaos within him, his Darkness tempered by her Light, he was still capable of committing horrors that would always weigh on her soul.

It was the burden she'd chosen to accept on that night of shadows when she'd embraced the full truth of him—the part that was Ben Solo as well as the enduring specter of Kylo Ren. It made her complicit, even if he had no wish to allow the blood on his hands to stain hers.

_It’s our choices that make us who we are, and no single one defines us completely, good or evil. We just have to keep making them, to whatever end they lead us._

Rey believed the woman beside her knew that difficult truth, learned from a lifetime of harsh lessons and decisions that had led to both happiness and heartbreak.

It made her wonder.

Leia had chosen her family and political career over the precepts that would have kept her from them. Yet, now she was guiding Rey down the path she’d turned away from despite the fact that her student was in the same condition that had led her to leave it behind. Rey couldn’t help thinking that it seemed contradictory.

"Leia…" she began uncertainly. She'd already steered too close tonight to the dangerous truth that she didn't dare share, but she couldn’t remain silent about this any longer.

"I've…well, I've obviously been with…someone," Rey said, still guarded, but determined. "I'm still with him." 

She rested her hand over Ben’s child, the little spark of life bolstering her will.

"And I'm not going to leave him."

There was a moment of silence. Leia regarded her searchingly, and Rey had never felt the urge to dip into her consciousness to know what she was thinking more strongly. It took great restraint to prevent herself from giving into the temptation.

"I see," Leia finally said, eyes holding hers with an intensity that she knew well, but had never seen in the face before her now. "Do you love him?"

"More than life," Rey whispered, tears blurring her vision. More than the fact that she'd shared physical intimacy, or even that she was carrying a child as a result, this admission proved irrevocably that Rey had placed something above the sanctity of the Force's will. 

_This_ was the choice that broke the Code of the Jedi, rendering her unworthy by any measure.

Though it hurt to know that she'd disappointed the expectations placed on her by so many, Rey felt no regret. The knot she felt in her chest every time she'd faced Leia since that first night with Ben loosened a little.

A faint touch brushed against her mind, and she returned her child's affection with a bright flow of love. She felt the energy surrounding her stir slightly, and the Bond that tied her heart to her Force-mate’s hummed approvingly.

_No. I could never regret any of this. I wouldn’t take a moment of it back._

"Rey." The low, resonant voice drew her from her thoughts and she looked into Leia’s gaze, motherly arms still holding her tight. "Don't be afraid to live your life for yourself. Trust in your own heart to know what the right path is…and who you wish to have walk it at your side."

She took an unsteady breath, overwhelmed by Leia’s words, and pressed on to reveal the simple but profound truth that choosing love over asceticism had led her to recognize.

"I'm not a Jedi," Rey stated, certain and firm, "and I never will be. It's not what I want."

With resolution came a sense of peace—serenity, even—a lingering question finally given its answer. She and Ben may not yet know what their purpose was, but Rey felt a great weight ease away, no longer torn between two destinies she’d never been able to reconcile in her mind.

"All right," Leia said quietly, rubbing Rey's shoulders before releasing her to stand. "Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning for training."

Rey's hands shook a little as she gathered the pile of books against her chest and rose to her feet. In a quiet corner of her mind, she couldn't help thinking that this was what it might have been like with her own mother, had she been given the chance to know her. Soaking up the seemingly endless wellspring of freely-given affection, Rey hoped her child would feel the same way about her.

"Thank you," she said, the last shadow of doubt about stepping away from what had become all but a pretense of walking the Jedi Path fading away.

"You don't need to be a Jedi to bring Light to the galaxy, Rey," Leia told her. "I believe you'll carry it with you wherever you go, and not even the Darkest of hearts will be able to resist you."

Rey struggled not to react to that, but Leia just turned away from her to press a button on the room’s control panel.

"All right, Threepio, you can come back in now."

Immediately, the door to the apartment opened and the officious boomrod tottered back in, muttering about human secrecy and the simply _outrageous_ nerve of the base's central computer for making fun of him for being left out on the doorstep.

"How typical," the droid fussed, but then his programming clicked into gear and he perked up to address his mistress. "May I be of assistance, your High—...General? Perhaps you'd like me to relay your orders for tomorrow's intelligence meeting to Lieutenant Connix, or continue taking dictation of the—"

"Later," Leia cut him off before he could work up to a full-blown spiel, and turned back to Rey. "If you find any more terms in the texts that you and Beaumont can't figure out, let me know. I'll help if I can."

"If the hormones start reading for me again, you mean?" Rey asked with a self-deprecating wince.

"Whichever," Leia said with a laugh. "Good night."

"Night," Rey responded, turning to leave. She stopped to look back, though, when she heard her name called out softly.

"Oh, and Rey?" Leia gave her a smile that brought the glitter of starlight to her dark eyes. "Meanings and inspiration aside, Asha _would_ be a beautiful name...for a girl, at least."

With that, the door closed and Rey started down the corridor towards her own quarters.

**_It really would, wouldn't it, Bump?_ **she mentioned suggestively to the baby. 

She'd formed a habit of trying to coax her little flicker of lifeforce into revealing whether she and Ben were going to be holding a son or daughter in a few months' time. Her efforts never seemed to get much of a response, but she was certain that if she just kept…

The sweetest wisp of thought flowed through the Force, leaving only the faintest impression in the energy surrounding her—like the air stirred by the wings of a butterfly.

She stumbled to a halt in the middle of the corridor, hand pressed to her belly. Snap looked at her in alarm as he walked by, but she waved him off with a tremulous smile. 

Rey tried to take even breaths so she could center herself as she started towards her quarters again—all but running. The Bond sang with joy, echoing her elation. She felt a brief flare of questioning confusion coming from the other end of the tether woven into her soul, and smiled. There was only one thing she could possibly want in this moment, and she was unwilling to wait any longer, her mind already reaching for that beloved star somewhere out in the depths of the galaxy. 

The lifeforce cradled beneath her heart glowed with happiness and all the promise of a nascent star.

**Author's Note:**

> **BTS Ramblings...**
> 
> **Baby Brain Brilliance:** Poor Rey. She's having a bit of a frustrating time. It just figures that she'd wind up with this particular symptom when one of her most important duties is working with the Jedi texts, right? On the plus side…Bump got a real name out of it! And Rey finally got to learn her baby's gender--double reveal! Shh, don't tell Ben…
> 
>  **Space Mum:** The character who is most commonly asked about in the comments on ASTOS is Leia, by a mile. I love that you guys have been so curious about her and what she thinks about Rey's situation! I hope you enjoyed getting to see them interact. I did make one or two tweaks to the backstory we all heard about in TROS--I just didn’t see Leia standing on ceremony and insisting Rey call her 'master,' for instance. If that's something you appreciated in the movie, then please don't take offence to me pulling it out. The great thing about fanfic is that we get to play in a massive sandbox filled with ideas and possibilities, and can choose to keep or toss whatever we wish.
> 
>  **Ryan Reynolds Asks, But Why?:** Some of you may be wondering why I'm not putting something like this into the main story, and that's understandable. The thing about ASTOS is that it's designed to be very narrow in terms of what is shown, and when I began introducing the idea of the 'specials' it wasn't so much that I didn't think the moments described in them don't belong, but because they're things that I think supplement the main story very well and that I figured you would enjoy getting to see. Both _If Only from Afar_ and _That For Which Stars Shine_ are 100% 'canon' for the overall plotline. ASTOS is complete and understandable without the specials, but I believe you'll find both the story and the characters far richer because of them.
> 
>  **Another Sexless Side Story?!:** Yersshhh…but Chapter XII will be coming out soon, which I promise will feed your explicit-rated Reylo hearts. We can have both sweet and spicy, no?


End file.
